September 27th, 2010
|07:27 pm - Why did somebody so unsuited manage to find a job and I haven't?!|
All I want is a job! Why on earth is it so hard?! I'm trying my best and failing miserably. I just need a break, a release, a kick start into a new world of my own, but it's just not happening =( I don't know what to do anymore. It's up to me, but how the hell do you help yourself, if you don't believe in yourself
Current Location: My room
Current Mood: crappy
Current Music: TV
September 26th, 2010
|11:44 am - Writer's Block: Sultans of swing|
Imagine your first chart-topping album has just been released. What sort of music is on it? What does the cover art look like?
My music would be the fucking weirdest shyte you've ever heard in your life. But it'd work! I love to shock people, so I think that given the chance I'd create music that was both beautiful and enchanting but outrageous and dramatic and gothic and crazy and poetic and made little sense unless you listened to it lots but it would have hidden meaning. I would love so much to create music like this, so that I could inspire people to lose all rules, music is what YOU create, there are no boundaries, it is what you make it and it always will be if it's yours. I would have gorgeous instrumentals and crazy songs that were funny and ironic and mental. Kind of like music that would go with a canvas that was brimming with creativity. I would hold myself as the muse, along with the rest of the world and the events within it.
As for the art work, I would make sure I made the most beautiful quirky eyecatching imagery anybody had ever seen.
Current Location: <33
Current Music: TeeVeeee
|11:30 am - Writer's Block: Homeward bound|
How would you describe your dream home?
I was talking about this a few days ago. I decided that I'd love to live in a cottage, that was homely and well kept, with victorian and modern furnishings, and it would definitely, DEFINITELY, have to have a big fireplace in the sitting room that would burn on wood and coal. I'd love a kitchen that was quite big, with top of the range stuff, so that when I've learnt to cook I can make lovely meals and host dinner parties. I like a house that's quite busy, with accessories that match and comfy sofas. I would have to have at least one cream and red room, possibly the sitting room, and I'd have a wooden floor and big shaggy rug. I'd also love to have a four poster bed in my bedroom, and have it looking very quaint and extravagant, almost like a queen's bedroom. The bathroom would be the same type, but with a big big victorian bath, one of those ones that you can sink into and feel like you're really tiny because they're so big and full of water and foam. And one must is a sewing room. I love making things so I would definitely need my own space in my house to do this. Oh and one last thing, two cats and a dog. These are a certainty!
Current Location: Bedbedbed<3
Current Mood: dreamy
Current Music: Supernanny, still...
|11:15 am - Writer's Block: Breaking the food chain|
Which one food would you choose to ban from existence, and why?
It's as simple as that; chocolate is the source of the weight I've put on, and all my unhappy as a result of this. Chocolate is the only sweet thing I am really really addicted to, and if it never existed, I would be alot skinnier and happier with myself, and alot healthier, too. Many times have I tried to stop myself from eating it at all, but clearly that hasn't worked, as I'm eating chocolate right now...
Okay, I'll challenge myself. Next week, I shall eat no chocolate whatsoever.
P.S. After further pondering I have decided that I would LOVE to ban every bad food out there. That way everybody would be healthy, and we could all eat the things that provided us with the nurtients and everything we need, and everybody would be happier and have more energy.
Current Location: <3
Current Mood: determined
Current Music: Supernanny againnn
|11:06 am - Sniffles and saggy eyes v_v|
First thing's first: My eyes look terrible. =(
My boy and I had a nap last night and I fell asleep in my makeup again, and woke to find that the underneath of my eyes had exploded into a puffy mess. This morning, they're worse. I have no idea what's causing it but it's not very pleasant! If it doesn't subside soon then it shall be a trip to the doctors pour moi. Even though I have to go there anyway because of my toe... I saw the podiatrist again on friday who told me that my toe had become infected (lovely) and I'm going to have to get some antibiotics for it. Oh, the joy! I am in the wars recently. I've been feeling poorly recently too =( That and not forgetting my insane mood swings.. Blah. Happy times soon please! And I certainly need to get rid of this weight. It's awful, and probably the source of all my stress >.< I know that in order to be happier completely I need to lose this weight, so I can start modelling again. It's something I want to do alot more of and I can't do it if I don't feel happy enough/pretty enough to. So the plan is, eliminate the extra weight, find a job, and do more modelling shoots. But one thing that does make me happier is knowing that it's winter soon. I can't wait for snow, I really can't.
How gorgeous is that?!
I just decided, that next week will be my being healthy losing weight week. And I'm going to promise myself that.
I also decided that when winter comes, I'm going to go for many walks, wrap up warm in my coat and scarf and gloves and take lots of pictures of the frost and chilly weather and snow if it snows. I really really hope it does, it's my favourite time of year. I just love how magical it feels when you notice that first snowflake fall from the sky, and the longing in your heart for it to become heavier and settle. My passion for snow grows every year, at this point I wouldn't be surprised if I ended up living somewhere incredibly snowy when I get older because of how much I love it. One thing's for sure, I want to travel when I get money. At some point in my life I'd love to spend christmas in a gorgeous hotel somewhere snowy, surrounded by festive decorations, and sitting by a roaring fire. That's my most perfect image. Currently I hate christmas day because of how bad they've been in the past, but I'm determined to have my own christmas where everything is perfect and I can look forward to every year. I'm also determined to make my boy love christmas too. He has no interest in it currently, he's a bit of a scrooge and it makes me feel bad that I'm going to really annoy him when things start getting really festive cause it makes me so happy when they do. So this year, provided everything goes well, I'm going to try and share the magic I feel with him to make him realise how special it is to me. But back to today, I shall be very lazy, and sit in bed feeling sorry for myself until I feel better and my eyes don't look so bad.
P.S. I've had to start wearing my big fluffy cat ears winter coat recently cause of the cold. I'm loving it!
Current Location: My boy's bed
Current Mood: hopeful
Current Music: Supernanny on the TV
September 20th, 2010
|08:07 pm - Mood swings and shiny new things ^.^|
Hormones at the ready, it's ladytime. And my moods certainly are all over the place this month! A recent mood swing took me to spontaneously buy skin products from Asda tonight. The result? Bellehappy! Meet my new best friends:
Note: Rimmel Stay Matte Powder is my new favourite thing evereverever.
It makes my skin look super lovely!
I've decided that I might start drawing my eyebrows on (not fully, only partly) cause I lovelove the dramatic arched eyebrows look and mine are just awful! So I bought some brushes (in the picture) and when I get paid next I'll buy something I can draw them in with and seal it with so I can get away with it. If I have the balls to! I want eyebrows like this lady:
She's my muse currently, which is slightly odd as I've met her in person before. But everybody has a girl that they idolise that they know in real! She's one of those ridiculously beautiful people who always looks gorgeous 24/7. So I've been inspired to make my skin better and lose that weight I want to lose (even though I always say that) and hopefully in a month's time I'll be well on my way. Even though tonight I ate a full pizza. >.<
But I'll be good eventually! I promise myself. And that's the hardest person to promise. I just have to remember that I DO have the potential to be all I can be and I DO deserve to make something of myself. And, and and, I figure, if I make Belle happy, I can get some Bellefriends too! My goals before christmas...
♥ Lose the two stone I've gained.
♥ Go running at least twice a week and make it a permanent routine.
♥ Start putting moneys aside for when I move out. Cause it'll be soon! =/
♥ Get a job!!!!!! <<<<<< IMPORTANT!
♥ Make friends with anyone who gives me the chance.
There's more, but I forget.
On saturday the boy and I went to Pontefract to meet up with my friend Jess! It was the third time I've met her in person since she lives alllllll the way in Watford, but we had so much fun. And she's lost so much weight! I'm proud of her!!! If she can do it, so can I. Anyway, I'll leave you with a picture of saturday's fun times.....
We're all mad here. x]
Current Location: My room!
Current Mood: between moods
Current Music: TBM <3 Their new album is amaaazing
September 14th, 2010
|10:36 pm - <3|
TBM Blog layout: Completed.
♥ 6:50: Wake up, get dressed and do makeup.
♥ 7:50: Go go go.
♥ 9 - 5(ish) Charity shop, whilst there buy more hairdye. (Spend only £10)
♥ Home: Come in, get dinner (if home after 5. If not, skip). Make sure kitchen is tidy, go for a run. An hour rest, then tidy bedroom & rest of house.
But back to tonight..
22:36: Perfect time to snuggle up in bed with my cat. =)
Current Location: TBM land
Current Mood: chipper/tired
Current Music: South Park
|09:38 pm - It's funny the things that cause nostalgia|
Tomato soup. As soon as the smell hit me from the microwave it made me want christmas again. Oh my god,I'm feeling so christmassy recently it's unbelievable! When I look outside and see that it is indeed not even autumn yet it makes me sad =( My dad's just got home! How surprising! I haven't seen him in ages, recently he's been spending every night over at sue's house....
I only just came back to this blog because my dad turned up and took me to asda, and bought lots and lots of new scrummy food for me to live on. <3 I've missed real food! There's bananas, and salad, and nectarines, and PINEAPPLE! It's exciting!!! :) Also, I have fallen well and truly back in love with The Birthday Massacre. I discovered their new website tonight, (www.thebirthdaymassacre.com) and oh my god please please PLEASE take a look at it. It's so incredibly beautiful, I don't know how they do it. You just know that insane amounts of care and devotion was spent creating that website. I also discovered their new video....
I can't believe how gorgeous Chibi looks. (Chibi girl, not chibicat) and I love their new song! I think I love their new website more though, cause it's got really eerie music behind it and I love love LOVE things like that. Anyway, I'm going to go and finish tidying because I am a lazy bunny and must go and do my chores before bad things happen.
P.S.S. This new TBM website may have inspired me to change my LJ layout....
Current Location: The room of doom
Current Mood: excited
Current Music: TBM<3
September 12th, 2010
|11:00 pm - Oh, my!|
Here I am, back in my humble abode. I've had a lovely weekend with my boy but now I must spend the night alone. It's quite strange sleeping alone in my bed! But I shall get used to it, I shan't let being without a boy for a few days ruin my fun. He's working late night shifts so I won't get to see him until saturday now =( But at least that means I can spend my time doing creative things! On friday at work a lady came in and noticed that I was wearing a corset that I'd customised, and she was really impressed. The next thing I knew she'd got me off work half an hour early and was taking me to a crafts shop! Turns out she's into crafts things too like yours truly, and said that we should do a stall together at crafts shows and things! It's crazy, that morning I was feeling sad but then that afternoon it turned right around after I had a tarot card reading. (Which read my life was full of bad to good to bad to good things. Surprise? Never!) But the best thing of all was... she gave me such an amazing idea. She said that people were into creating canvas paintings and crafts, and I was thinking of using that idea and combining it with stuff I like, and selling it! Then I could get myself a bit of money whilst I was looking for a job, and get people used to my art work. It's such a good idea! When I get paid I'm going to buy some cheap canvases, doesn't matter if they're small, and start making pictures. It'll give me something to do until saturday that's for sure! But for now, I have a ton of washing that needs doing, and my bedroom has been severely neglected, and must be tidied before I even think about snuggling down in bed. So off I go again, to tidy and sit amongst myself and my cat and the music from the TV.
T'ra, my muffins! ♥
P.S I am not watching a programme intended for toddlers +. Seriously. ...........
P.S.S. The Hoobs is amazing!
Current Location: My room
Current Mood: antsy
Current Music: How Strange - Emilie Autumn
September 10th, 2010
|06:32 am - Woken by a loon!|
Or rather, my kitten. She's been such a manic cat this morning! My alarm is supposed to go off at 6:50 but I woke up at 6:00am, because my cat decided it'd be fun to run around like a lunatic attacking anything and everything, the bandage on my foot being one of those things. Silly kitty!
Anyway: Good day my dear muffins!
I'm sorry I haven't posted in a few days! So much has been going on, a couple of hours after I posted my last blog, I was sitting at my computer and some stones were thrown at my window. Of course this scared me to death; I was in belief that a burglar was attempting to break my window. But when I threw open the window I saw my boyfriend, standing drenched without a coat, beneath my window. He'd spontaneously decided to catch two buses in the rain just to surprise me because he knew I felt upset. !!!! I still can't get over what he did. That's the most romantic, lovely, nicest thing anybody has EVER done for me. I'm a lucky girl to have him! But bless him, he was shivering as he stood there wet through, and for the past couple of days I've been taking care of him as he developed a nasty illness. He's recovered now and is able to go back home, but it was awful seeing him sick! But at least he's better. But yes, it's half past six, and I'm watching to a documentary on The Victorians as I get ready to go to the charity shop. It's raining today, so that will give me an excuse to use my fancy umbrella, it's got all little cartoons upon it it's so lovely. However I'll probably be cold! Anyway, I'm going to go and get dressed, and continue to watch my documentary. Speak soon my lovelies!
Current Location: My houseeeee
Current Mood: chipper
Current Music: TV!